For those who don’t know, I’m an accountant. Here in the United States, it’s what’s known as tax season and I’ve been working overtime for about 11 solid weeks now, six days a week. I’m not looking for sympathy because I chose this field and, honestly, I generally love being busy. Lately though, the stress is making it harder to control my tics, and guys … it’s flipping exhausting. It’s exhausting to twist and shrug in my seat as I force all my attention to the documents and numbers in front of me. It’s hard to even think of gathering control of myself when every time I turn around my inbox is full of new returns.
The unfortunate truth is that this lack of control has sunk far beyond my muscles and skeleton. It’s become somewhat of a mental episode. I’m tired. I feel like I’m coming up short because I can’t seem to get a hold of myself, and when I do manage to scrounge up the energy to suppress my tics, I feel waves of anxiety that are just as exhausting if not more so. It isn’t all the time. It comes in waves, but it’s enough to just be disruptive. To make matters worse, because I have had TS for 17 years, I feel like I should just stuff it down and deal with it. It could be so much worse, right?
But to pretend that I don’t feel defeated and unsure of myself when I’m going through these rough spells of stressors and triggers creates a false narrative of what Tourette’s is. Tics don’t just stop at the part of the body that they affect. They sink their teeth in sometimes and affect your psyche. They create a distorted image of yourself that’s hard to shake.
If you feel, or ever have felt like this, you’re not alone. And by focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, even if that foot randomly twitches, is a powerful tool. One step at a time, one day at a time. It’s all you can really do. Celebrate every step and keep fighting the fight until the fight is won.
Note from the author, Brittney Hooker:
Hello everyone! I’d like to introduce you all to my blog, Tic Talk. I started this blog in November 2018 upon realizing there were so few resources out there for adults with TS like myself. My goal was to create an all-inclusive blog for adults, children, and non-Touretters alike that doesn’t just focus on the research and science but everyday life and issues revolving around life with TS. If you, or anyone you know and love has Tourette’s, you are aware of the shortage of facts and plethora of stigma and stereotypes behind the disorder. It is my mission to carry the torch of truth, and to give the world the insider’s perspective. The good, the bad and, sometimes, even the painful.
Come check it out at: tictalkts.wordpress.com